Misadventures on a Bus: Part II

The Bus From Hell, aka the #53.

And then I had to come home via Hell.

I take the metro to the bus station no problem, but then I have to wait a hundred years for the stupid thing to get there. Of course it's probably a good 90 degrees outside, and don't even get me started on the humidity.

Picture this guy. Times 46. That's my bus.

It rolls up, FINALLY, I get on, and we start riding. Sweet. I'm trying to read, but the other people in the bus are all either BFFIWWW (Best friends forever in the whole wide world, thank you J. Michael) or just get really chatty on the bus. I don't really know which stop is mine, and I don't want to ask the driver to tell me when to get off...

I have this thing about not wanting to be That Girl, the tourist person, the eco-lite hipster-wannabe who decided to save the world only AFTER gas cost more than $4/gal. So, I attempt to look like a public transportation-savvy real person, usually with no problems.

I think you can see this one coming, but there were some problems. As in, I am NOT a public transportation-savvy real person, I'm really a lost kid on the verge of a panic attack the second we leave the station.

I have no idea which stop is mine or how long it takes to get there. At every stop I think, "Oh, this isn't me" and sit back. The second we pull away from the curb I think, "SHOOT! What if it was? Was it? Oh no! Where are we?! I've never seen this neighborhood in my life! etc etc etc". Almost everyone has gotten off the bus, so I'm starting to halfway consider asking the driver what on earth is going on, but there's a blind guy on the bus, and he knows EXACTLY what's up. If he doesn't need help, I certainly don't. I have FUNCTIONING EYES. That should be all the help I need.

I remember that the stop this morning was a path, that went both directions in the middle of a long, straight street that went up a slight hill. After going to a hospital that DEFINITELY was not there in the morning, we come to a place that might look familiar. Then we get onto a long street. It's straight. And slightly uphill. I start climbing around trying to look out all the windows to see if this one is actually The One, and then I see The Path. This is it!

I pull on the cord (which is actually harder than it seems) and the driver stops and lets me off. It's still 90 degrees. I head down the path, but it doesn't look quite right. The one I took in the morning was in a wooded area, and this one is just grass. Uh-oh.

I decide to follow the route the bus was taking and see if my stop was the next one or something. It wasn't. And now I'm lost. I recognize the neighborhood, sort of, so I decide to just walk and see if I can find a street I recognize and get home.

I call Adam so I don't look like some creep wandering the neighborhoods scoping out the small children to prey on, and keep wandering. For an hour. It is SO hot, SO humid, my feet are hurting, I'm really tired and completely parched. I'm walking along, and everything starts looking REALLY familiar. I realize I'm going in circles and NOT almost home and am SO frustrated.

Of course I didn't think to ask Adam to mapQuest the directions home for me before then. He does, and he leads me back... TO THE BUS STOP.

I stop dead in my tracks. I look down the hill. I see a path. Going both ways from the street. I see the direction I took: Grassy. Wrong. I look the other direction: Wooded. THE RIGHT WAY.

I, Intern Micossi, took the wrong path, and as a result ended up with 3 blisters, 4 gallons of sweat, tears of frustration, 7 1/2 handfuls of hair torn out, and 60+ minutes of aimless wandering.

I am SO never taking the bus again.