This morning was HORRENDOUS. HORRENDOUS.
I get up an hour later than usual becuase Quin is out of town, which was great, and I was like, "Oh, I'll take the bus, it's greener, cheaper, blah blah blah."
Problem #1: I don't know exactly where the bus stop is.
So I was FIFTEEN minutes early and I was like oh I'll drive around real quick to find it. By the time I found it (note: it is ONE STREET OVER. ONE STREET!!!) the bus was just pulling away from the curb. And then I got lost trying to get home, and FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER (remember, one block away from home), I make it back and have to run to the bus stop. There's a path that goes between some of the houses so you don't have to walk all the way around, but obviously it forks, and obviously I take the wrong fork etc etc etc.
I spot some corporate-looking people walking around and I was like, oh, I'll just go where they're going. We get to the bus stop and I was like YES but then there are TWO, one on each side of the street. I basically just murp around this one guy for a while, and finally ask which one he's going on, and of course it's the other one. Sigh.
Problem 2: Now what?
His bus comes and goes... Anyways, NATURALLY my bus is a few minutes late, so I'm starting to panic that he was just messing with me and THAT was my bus that just drove away. Finally my bus comes, and it turns out I can use my MetroCard on it. Thank GOD becuase I don't think I have anything small enough for a fare machine.
Problem 3: The Bus Itself.
And buses? They suck. A lot. It's half corporate people drinking coffee and reading newspapers, 1/4 maids and whatnot on their way to some neighborhood to clean or whatever, and 1/4 AWFUL.
I'm thinking specifically of this one girl and her mom who got on the bus and DIDNT SHUT THEIR FAT MOUTHS THE ENTIRE TIME. She was probably like 14 and had this awful shiny face with like sparkly blue eyeshadow (Hello? This is a bus, not the Jersey Shore?) and she was talking exactly like this:
Omigawd, and like, and THEEEEEEEEN we went to the zoo, and, like, it was SOOOOOOOOOOOO cool. We went to see the um like pandas, and I'm like well like Tayshawn is my like favoriiiiiiiiite? Right? So I'm all like worried that I won't know like which one is him, becuase, like, ALL pandas are like black and white, you KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOW? And then we get like there and like I totally knew which one was him becuase it was his um birthday, right, and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool.
And I'm like, REALLY? Go die! And I'm pretty sure it's not pronounced TAYSHAWN. PANDAS DON'T HAVE GHETTO FABULOUS NAMES. I just looked it up: Tai shan. Nice try, Awful Girl.
Anyways, apparently it is in the nature of buses to meander slowly and awkwardly through every neighborhood that ever happened, so every once in a while I look up from my book and am like SHOOT! WHERE ARE WE?!?! I MISSED THE STOP AAAAAH and then I realize we are TEN FEET from where were ten minutes before. We FINALLY make it to the metro station FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER (when I drive it takes 15) and I get on and take it blah blah blah I get to my station no problem and it's two blocks from work so I start walking.
Problem 4: There's still another 2 blocks to go.
There's this wierd guy walking towards me but I was like whatever, it's the city, weird people happen here, don't make eye contact. I pass him and IMMEDIATELY he turns around and starts walking right behind me. I speed up, he speeds up, I move to the right, he moves to the right. I attach myself to a group of lawer-ish looking people and he backs off some, and this guy was WEIRD. He was wearing a floppy denim top hat, a denim vest that was really just a jacket with the sleeves torn off, a tie-dye shirt with iron-on patches, and was really fat. Ew. Anyways, I bolt across the street and he leaves me alone thank goodness.
WHY IS MY LIFE SUCH A JOKE
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